The Choice of the Matter

Since my last blog post more than a year ago, Mr. Wright and I divorced. It was not a decision made easily, and while on the outside we seemed like a happy couple, it was no longer working for either of us. We've been fortunate to remain very amicable throughout it all, which not only benefits Spitfire and Sunshine, but is the mature thing to do. 

My naive little 18-year-old-newlywed self somehow believed that once I got married it would all be peaches and roses. I mistakenly expected to be completely fulfilled by my husband. I never expected to feel alone and empty. My emotional needs were unmet, but I expected him to read my mind and know exactly how I felt, so I never voiced my unhappiness. Instead I let my resentment grow until we were essentially strangers. We never fought, that was never the issue. But we also never talked. 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about choice as it relates to love. I don't believe we choose who we fall in love with. But STAYING in love? That is most definitely a choice. Perhaps I am coming to this conclusion late in life. 

The more I have reflected on this, the more I have seen little quotes or sayings or articles on the internet confirming it. One of my favorite quotes from the movie This Means War is: 

"Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman."

One of my favorite songs this year is "I Choose You," by Sara Bareilles. A sampling of the lyrics are: 

"There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me that you could not come true
Just love's illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

We are not perfect
We'll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes
I will prove my love to you

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you."

A Facebook friend posted this to her timeline (the word decision implies a choice):

Then another friend posted this quote by Paulo Coelho from The Zahir:

"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me."

And then this article surfaced. I was particularly struck by this part:

"When I got married, I...didn't get a guarantee that our marriage would work out. Such guarantees don't exist. What we did get, however, was a choice.

I get to choose to be the wife I want to be. I get to choose whether to become closer or whether to drift apart when times are hard. I get to choose to have the marriage I want with the man I choose to marry."

Obviously the Universe has been trying to tell me something. Okay Universe, I think I finally get it!

I've been very fortunate to have someone special come into my life. I have cherished being in a relationship filled with communication and mutual respect. We have stayed up all night talking on more than one occasion. I feel I am completely myself around him without pretense. He was easy to fall in love with, that part I didn't choose, but our relationship has not come without some challenges. Sometimes we have misunderstandings and conversations that are hard to have. In many ways our relationship is the most difficult I have ever had, and yet it's the most real, and the most fulfilling.

At the end of the day, there is no one else I'd rather be with. There is no one I'd rather listen to. There is no one I'd rather curl up with on the couch and watch The Walking Dead. There's no one I'd rather be touched by. There's no one I'd rather kiss. I choose to be fully committed to him. Love is a choice. It is not just something that happens. It takes work, but the reward is worth it. I make a conscious decision to love him every day. I choose him, I choose us and I choose love. 

 

Hot Air Balloon Ride

A few months ago, I purchased a Groupon for a sunrise Hot Air Balloon ride for two from Morning Star Balloons. I have always thought a balloon ride would be fun, and figured I didn't need an excuse to do it.

We scheduled our balloon ride for July 16th, and luckily, Mr. Wright was able to arrange to go into work later that day. We met at the Hotel Park City at 6 a.m., along with some other balloon riders. After checking in, we were driven in a 15 passenger van, to the launch site about 20 minutes away. Unfortunately, I was in the very back of the van. I started to feel a little queasy.

When we arrived at the launch site and unloaded, they started setting up the balloons. I realized I had to use the bathroom, even though I went before we left the hotel. I knew I couldn't wait another 1 1/2 hours, and I wouldn't enjoy the balloon ride if my bladder was full, but what could I do? We were in the middle of a huge field! Luckily, I spied a very large hill a few yards away. I snuck off behind the hill, and made sure no one was looking. Sweet relief!

The balloon baskets had to be pushed off the trailers and put onto their sides.

Next they used giant fans, and a few helpers to open up the balloon.

They add a little heat to keep the balloon inflated.



Getting excited!



When the ballon was filled with air, the pilot walked in to make sure there were no tears in the material, and that everything was safe.

Once there was enough air, they were ready to turn upright.

The other balloon was ready before ours.

This was the other balloon, not the one we rode in

Finally, we were ready for take off too!

Each basket carried twelve people, plus the pilot. The basket had a center compartment where the driver rode, and four smaller compartments on each side. Everyone loaded in. We had to share our compartment with another girl. I felt like sardines.

Please notice how close I am standing to the "hot air" part of the balloon, as this comes into play later. Here is what it looked like from the inside:

Finally, we were in the air.

The views were breathtaking!



An airplane landed just underneath us.

The hot air balloon doesn't move very fast, rather, it glides. As the sun came up it got warmer, and I was right next to the fire-breathing hot air machine. The heat started to get to me. I'm not afraid of heights, and the balloon wasn't moving fast enough to give me motion sickness. But I think the heat combined with the queasiness from riding in the back of the van did me in...Luckily, I didn't throw up on anyone below, but I had to peel off my layers, and keep my head down. I felt like such a baby.

When it was time to land, we aimed for the school field. We caused quite a stir, momentarily distracting the local cheerleading practice.

As we prepared to land, we only hovered about a foot off the ground.

After a safe and uneventful landing, it was time to put the balloon away. I thought it quite comical that they roll it up like a giant sleeping bag.

We were each given a Certificate of Ascension, which is kind of a nice touch. Too bad the pilot doesn't know Calligraphy.

I asked the pilot how many marriage proposals he got per year. He laughed and said maybe 75%. He said once he even had a whole wedding party!

On the way back, at my request, I was able to sit in the front of the van.

If you ever get a chance to go on a hot air balloon ride, DO it!!!

Life Well Lived

I know I haven't posted anything in a really long time, but it's not for lack of vi-keri-ous activity. It's amazing how you don't have as much time to blog when you're busy, well, living.

I promise I will try to find time soon to blog about the following things:

• Whale watching
• Boating
• Las Vegas
• Hot Air Balloon ride
• Sunshine's birthday
• Family reunion

And I had better hurry and get caught up. I was going to blog about seeing Chicago at the Egyptian Theatre, but now the show has closed, so I've missed the boat on that one. Plus I'm leaving for another vacation to Portland, so I'll have that to blog about too.

I've also got some exciting news...another reason why my blogging might decrease in frequency...no, not THAT kind of news. I'm not pregnant.

Actually, I've been accepted into the Nurse Practitioner program online at the University of Southern Indiana. I start August 20th, which is in just a few weeks. The last time I was in nursing school, I had no time for friends, activities, reading (other than school books), or t.v. and I never saw my family. I had no life other than studying, going to school, homework, and sleeping. I'm hoping *fingers crossed* that it won't be quite that bad this time (but I'm not holding my breath). It should take me about 2 years to finish, maybe a little longer. Then I will be able to work in a private practice, seeing patients, and writing prescriptions, almost like a Dr.!

Wish me well!

Wife 22 Marriage Survey Part Two

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