Cuckoo Child Care Provider--Part Two

Last week, in Bad Babysitter--Part One, I told you about how Babysitter said she was raising her rates, getting very pushy with me, and basically telling me how to raise my child.

It was nice to hear from many of you, that you agreed that she was over-stepping her bounds, because I sometimes I doubt the validity of my feelings. (This is partially because Mr. Wright is very laid back and easy going, and therefore doesn't get upset about things like I do, and partially because I've been gaslighted too many times in my life.)

I feel I should give you a bit more background information about Babysitter, because some of you were wondering what her qualifications were. No, she is not licensed. However, she said she had nanny experience, experience working with special needs children, and preschool experience. I DID ask for references, and I DID check them. Her references gave glowing reviews.

Remember how in December she said she was raising her rates from $30.00 per day to $40.00 per day ($360.00 per month to $480.00 per month)? One day, as I was picking Sunshine up, Babysitter says, "You remember that I am raising my rates to $45.00 per day, starting in January, right?" I say yes, even though I know she had told me $40.00 per day. (Now the cost has gone from $360.00 to $540.00 per month.)

The day she asked me to pick Sunshine up early, she started saying that she's been doing more "research" on the going rate. She says she has broken down the average cost-per-month, by age.

I am looking at her handwritten cost break-down and seeing numbers like $690 and $577. She tells me that she will take an average of 6 months, and will write it all up. She says that will include any sick or vacation days to reserve Sunshine's spot. I have no idea what she is talking about or where she's getting her numbers, and I tell her I'm not sure we can do that, but will mention it to Mr. Wright.

One day, as I'm dropping Sunshine off, she spends 30 minutes talking with me about Sunshine, and her schedule. She tells me that Sunshine is only sleeping 30- 40 minutes at a time for her, and that she needs her to sleep 2 hours at a time, so that she has time with her own son.

She wants to keep Sunshine up longer during the day, so she will sleep longer at nap time. I'm not sure how well that will work for her, since the last time she tried that, I ended up picking Sunshine up early, because she was so overtired.

I tell her that she does take 1-2 hour naps for me, and ask if possibly the dog barking is waking her up. (She has an ANNOYING little yappy Yorkie that barks at me EVERY time I come over.) She tells me her dog NEVER barks during the day.

She also tells me that Sunshine will only eat 3-4 oz of formula for her. I tell her that I am able to get her to drink 5-6 oz at a time. She tells me that she is concerned that Sunshine is not happy with her and that she wants to make things easier for her.

She says she will start Sunshine's day by putting her in the front carrier so that she can get that extra physical attention that she craves, that skin-to-skin contact. (Skin-to-skin contact is an extremely intimate thing, usually between a baby and her parents). She says she is trying to be a "Second Mom" for Sunshine. A SECOND MOM! (This REALLY rubbed me the wrong way! Who says that to a mother, about their child?!? How DARE she?)

I give her a check for January at the $45.00 per day rate. Because I have spent 30 minutes talking with her at drop off, I am late for work that morning.

When I pick her up that night, she spends ANOTHER 45 minutes talking with me. When I get there, she has her What to Expect the First Year book sitting on the table, along with her Parents Magazine, and she has printed something from The Fussy Baby Site called "High Need Babies". She begins reading over the article with me, and telling me that Sunshine is starting to be a high need baby (you can read the descriptions of each characteristic yourself if you choose):

• Intense
• Draining
• Feeds Frequently
• Demanding
• Awakens Frequently
• Unpredictable
• Super-Sensitive
• Can't Put Baby Down
• Not a Self-Soother
• Difficulty Entertaining Themselves

Really, when you look at the list, it describes ALL babies to a certain degree. Babies are a lot of work?! No shit, Sherlock! And she's basically telling me that Sunshine cries all the time, and she can't put her down.

As she's reading these, I am absolutely seething. I tell her I am shocked to hear her say that Sunshine is a high need baby. I tell her that Spitfire (my other daughter) had colic and was DEFINITELY a high need baby, but that Sunshine is nothing like that. I remember I couldn't put Spitfire down, even to take a shower!

I tell her that at home, Sunshine naps 2 hours at a time, eats well, I can put her down, she will entertain herself, she plays independently, she can fall asleep on her own, and she self-sooths by sucking her thumb. Compared to how Spitfire was as a baby, Sunshine is an ANGEL baby.

I tell her that it sounds to me like this isn't working out, and that Sunshine is not happy there.

Babysitter tells me that she has been doing some "sleep training" with Sunshine today, and that she thinks Mr. Wright and I need to do it at home also. She says that she thinks Sunshine will respond well to the "sleep training", but that if she can't get on board with it, Babysitter will have to start charging me $8.00 per hour ($72.00 per day, or $864.00 per month, from $360.00--notice the price keeps increasing every time I talk to her?).

I do not like confrontation, so as she is speaking to me, I am mostly silent, and just nod my head. I do not want to listen to her advice, but I am not willing to get into it with her.

She says that she, Mr. Wright, and I all need to work together, so that we will all be on the same page. She, Mr. Wright and I need to co-operate so that Sunshine will be happier. She says something about us co-parenting! CO-freakin-PARENTING!!! That coupled with the "Second Mom" comment makes me think of the movie "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle".

I tell her that I am offended by her saying things like she wants to be a second mom to Sunshine, because I am her mom. She says she was worried about how these difficult conversations would come across, and that she doesn't always know the right words.

She then looks at the check I gave her and says, that she guesses she can accept what I've paid her for the month, to give me 30 days notice, but that her monthly rate is that average she was showing me, of $575.00 per month. I tell her that she told me her rate was $45.00 per day, and that Sunshine would be attending 11 days that month, and that is what I paid her for.

She tells me no, the $575.00 is for the whole month, and includes any sick or vacation days. She explains that I have to pay the full amount to hold Sunshine's spot. I clarify that she means for us to pay, even for days that Sunshine is not there, despite only being there 3 days a week.

I tell her there is no WAY we can do $575.00 per month, and that I don't think we should have to pay for the days Sunshine isn't there. She says that is standard for day cares to hold her spot. She says that she will work with us, so that we will have 2 weeks a year of vacation or sick time.

I leave thinking things have mostly been resolved between us (except for the cost), and I will try and play nice, but I know we cannot afford what she is asking us to pay. I don't like her unsolicited advice. I don't want her to be a second mom to Sunshine. I don't feel she is a co-parent with me. I know I will be looking for a new babysitter soon.

I thought that was the end of the discussion, but I was wrong....More in Part Three.