Jamaican Me Craaazy, Mon!

I just returned from a fabulous (Irie) vacation in Ocho Rios, Jamaica a few weeks ago. We learned 3 Jamaican phrases while we were there. "Yah, Mon!" which means yes, or okay. "No problahm" which they apparently say even when there is a problem, it's "No problahm." And "Irie" which means something is fantastic.

Going on vacation while 6 months pregnant is a completely new experience for me. Right off the bat, Spitfire says, "Mom, when people look at you, they look at your belly first, then your face, and then back to your belly." (No problahm).

I felt like in Jamaica, pregnant equals invalid, but I suppose the tour companies just didn't want to assume the liability for a pregnant woman participating in their excursions.

So while Mr. Wright and Spitfire did things like swim with de-barbed stingrays (Irie), climb waterfalls, and ride on downhill, 5-10 mph bike rides, I sat on the sidelines and watched my ankles swell and tried not to let the heat and humidity bother me (No problahm). But in the meantime, I learned some fascinating things about Jamaica, and perhaps you will find them fascinating too. (Yah, Mon!)

I had seen many souveniers with the Jamaican flag colors, but none of it had any significance until I learned what the colors represent:

Black is for the struggle that we all go through

Gold is for the sunshine

Green is for the vegetation

I also learned that Jamaica was first ruled by the Spanish. It was then under British rule until it gained it's independance from England in 1962, and now is part of the commonwealth of England.

The people in Jamaica speak a mixure of English, Spanish, French, and African, called Patois (Pat-wah). We had one tour guide speak Patois phrases to us, and then we would see if we could translate them into English.  It was very difficult to understand, until he told us the translation. Then you could hear what he had said when he spoke it more slowly and distinctly. In many cases it seems they slur the words and meld them all together. Once I knew that, I could catch about every 3rd word or so. (Yah, Mon!)

In Jamaica, drugs ARE illegal, unless you are a member of the Rasta religion. In Rasta, marijuana is allowed within the temples for religious rituals. But our tour guide said, "Don't ask me where any of the temples are, I don't know!"

It takes a coconut 9 months to grow. I also learned that the native Jamaican coconut trees were all being killed off by a coconut tree disease called Lethal Yellowing. There was a treatment available, but the injections were $15.00 per shot, which was not cost effective, given the number of coconut trees. The Jamaican government decided to import Malayan Dwarf coconut trees instead. (No problahm). At first, I wondered, if the Dwarf trees were meant to cross-pollinate with the native trees. Wouldn't the disease still affect the new trees? But then the tour guide told me the disease was airborne. Because the Dwarf trees were smaller, the disease would just pass over the top. I couldn't help but picture a coconut tree sneezing.

Banana trees are interesting because they can only grow one bunch of bananas at a time, and it's gestation is around 9 months. Banana trees grow excess stalks, called suckers. The suckers must be cut off so that all the nutrients can go toward making fruit in the primary stem. When a banana tree is harvested, it is then cut in half to allow the sucker to suck the nutrients from the old stalk, thereby allowing the fruit bearing half to start again.

The National fruit of Jamaica is the Ackee, but get this....it's poisonous. (Yah, Mon!) Well, Ackee is poisonous if you try to eat it straight off the tree, or break open the fruit yourself. It causes vomiting, seizures, and fatal hypoglycemia. Apparently to eat this fruit, you must wait for it to fall off the tree and open on it's own. It must then be cleaned, washed, and boiled. Only then is it edible. I'm wondering who the poor soul was who figured this out.

There were a lot of seemingly un-inhabitable houses in Jamaica, without finished windows, doors, and roofs. According to one tour guide, people DO actually live there. The interest rates at the bank are so high, no one wants to borrow from the bank to finish their houses, so they build to suit their pocket book. (No problahm). They finish one part of the house and live in it while they build on the rest of the house. Building and completing a house can sometimes take 5 years or longer, as they can only finish as they have the money to do so. The schools in Jamaica look more like a prison.

Jamaicans drive on the left side of the road, and honk their horns constantly! A honk of the horn can mean anything from "Hello", to "Get out of my way", or "Watch out, I'm coming around this blind corner", and even "Here I come, yield to me". It can even mean, "I see you are driving a tour bus. I am driving a tour bus too."

Layta, Mon!