Channel Z Addendum

Okay, so after writing the last post, I went to band rehearsal and was teased relentlessly about how insecure I am.....and it's true.

I usually try to portray an attitude of confidence and that I don't care what other people think. But I feel insecure just as much as the next person. I could have made this blog all about how great my life is, and there ARE elements of that. But I also decided to show a little of my not-so-confident side.

Actually, Band Owner pointed out to me last night that I was the one who said I wanted to keep performing right up until the baby was born. (True). And he also said that if they would have told me to take my maternity leave, I would have thought they didn't need me, or that I was being kicked out of the band. (I had to admit he was right.)

Band Owner has also been really great about the whole 8-months-pregnant thing. He said I could do whatever I needed to do to conserve my energy, like not help with the load/unload, or even to sit down and take a break on songs that have a lot of other harmonies from the other band members. Even with him telling me to do theses things, I still feel like I should, lest they think I'm lazy, or that they don't need me. So as much complaining as I did in my last post about how tired I am, I put A LOT of pressure on myself to step it up. This is the same drive that made me walk 16 miles all over Central Park at 7 months pregnant.

I think I may bring a bar stool up on stage to sit on for a few songs, and I may really tone down or eliminate the dancing so that I have enough breath to sing. And I guess a little part of me is kind of hoping that these gigs will help my cervix dilate faster, so maybe I can have Baby Girl early. :)