Girl with a Short Skirt and a Loooonnng Jacket

**UPDATED**

Tuesday night, Mr. Wright and I went to see the band Cake play at Saltair. I bought the tickets for his birthday.

Right off the bat, I thought, "Man, I must be getting old." This was mostly because I thought everyone around me was disgusting. Both the guys AND a lot of the girls had greasy hair that hadn't been combed. And you could tell most of them were unemployed tweaker pot-heads that were either homeless, or live in their parent's basements. What a bunch of losers.

**I saw about four girls with ultra skinny bodies who were dressed in nothing but bras, panties, and Santa hats. Now I'm not usually one who gets offended by sexily dressed women, but even I thought it was pretty extreme to have their boobs and bum cheeks hanging out. But then I realized the concert was sponsored by Doctor John's lingerie, so then it made more sense. They were handing out little kits with lubricant and condoms, very similar to what we give out at my work. It's funny how taken out of context it seemed really scandalous and distasteful, until I knew the purpose behind their attire, and then it was all okay.

There were two bands that played before Cake. The first, whose name I can't remember, was just finishing when we got there. The second band was The Naked and Famous. They only have one song I was familiar with, Young Blood, but frankly, the rest of their music kind of sucks. I did overhear some girls talking, who jokingly said, "Hey, they're not naked!" Funny, funny, stuff.

We made our way about mid-way to the stage. Not too close to the mosh-pit, but close enough that I had a pretty good window between shoulders. Unfortunately, someone near us kept crop-dusting us with egg-smelling farts. So pleasant!

I told Mr. Wright to stay close, and not let anyone in. Some girl said "Excuse me" and started pushing her way through. I thought she was just trying to get herself closer to friends nearer the stage, otherwise I wouldn't have let her in. But then she and three other people decided to just park it right in front of my viewing "window". I said, "You're not stopping THERE are you?" Her friend's boyfriend replied, "I guess SO." "Well, that sucks!" I said. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "That's concerts."

Karma came back to bite him in his sarcastic ass later though, when about 10 people did the same thing to him, and he ended up separated from his girlfriend and friends. I don't think he could see at all, because he finally left and went somewhere else. I felt like saying, "That's concerts," to him. It took his girlfriend quite a while to notice he was not behind her, or anywhere nearby.

Before Cake came on stage, an announcement was made to put away all cell phones, that no camera or video recording devices were allowed, and that anyone who used them would be escorted from the premises. The tone of voice sounded kind of jocular, and Cake DOES tend to be sort of a sarcastic band. I had no idea if they were serious or not, so I decided to wait and see if anyone else brought out cell phones or cameras.

Cake played a lot of 'oldies but goodies', like "Frank Sinatra",
"Stickshifts and Safetybelts", "Sheep Go to Heaven", and "Never There". They also peppered in songs from their newer albums, like "Sick of You".

Mr. Wright's major complaint was the amount of time the band took NOT playing songs. For example, at the beginning of Cake's set, they played a VERY long introduction before the band even came out. Mr. Wright said they were probably still backstage smoking pot.

Then, during the number "Sick of You", the band spent a long time splitting the audience into two groups so that half could sing "III-I-I-III--want to flyyy-aa-way-yy!", while the other half could sing, "I'm so sick of you, So sick of me, I don't want to be with you." He also spent a good deal of time describing what kind of person you were if you sang the one line, and what kind you were if you sang the other.

Mr. Wright grew a little impatient saying, "They could be playing dozens of other songs, instead of wasting time talking." There was also a very long break in the music, in which the lead singer tried to have the audience guess what kind of tree was onstage with him. Whoever guessed correctly would win the tree to take home for a 30 year commitment. Mr. Wright said, "They're GOOD, when they actually play music, and don't get all political. They sure know how to deflate an audience."

**One of the things I really liked was the fact that Cake is actually really good live. They sound as good or better as they do played on the radio. It's really fun to see that the trumpet sounds are actually played by a real trumpet. And you know that rattlesnake sound that is in many of their songs? That's actually played live by the lead singer too. It's called a Vibraslap (which kind of sounds like a fun bedroom game).

Remember how I mentioned the no camera thing? I had seen several people take out cell phones to take pictures, and even saw someone with an actual camera. I took out my camera and tried to get a good picture. But I hadn't brought my nice, big camera with me. I only had my cute little purple Nikon Coolpix, and it didn't zoom far enough to take good pictures. They all turned out blurry and dark, so I deleted them.

Suddenly, a Big Guy in a black coat, and a black beanie, with a walkie-talkie came up to me and demanded that I give him my camera. "I deleted them," I said. "I don't care," he said.
LAME-sauce. I guess I was lucky I didn't get kicked out of the concert. I didn't see anyone else near me get their phones or cameras confiscated.

I was able to get my camera back after the concert, but Big Guy said, "I had to delete all the pictures in order to give it back to you." I was kind of disappointed about that, because there weren't actually ANY pictures of the band on my camera, but there WAS a really cute one of me and Mr. Wright.

Then Big Guy says, "You have to leave the building if I give you back the camera." That was okay, since the band had already pretty much finished, and were playing their encore. They played, "Short Skirt and a Long Jacket" as we were leaving, which I felt was quite apropos.