Death Changes You

My aunt, Quilt Bee, recently passed away, and this post is about her. 

Aunt Bee was a hippie. Her husband was killed in a plane crash when I was just a baby. They never had any children, and Bee never remarried or dated.

She lived a pretty solitary life. She never allowed us to celebrate her birthday. We saw her more when we were kids, but as we became adults, we only saw her once or twice a year, around Thanksgiving or Christmas. She became more and more isolated, sometimes even refusing to come for holidays.

Bee was heavy for most of her adult life, and I mean REALLY heavy. She never wore make-up, or painted her nails. She never wore jewelry or hair accessories. She wore her hair in a braid down her back. Her fashion consisted of brightly colored patterns and prints, on clothing she made for herself.

She hated having her picture taken, and rarely smiled.

Bee had two Bachelor's degrees and was a very talented quilt maker. All of her quilts were sewn by hand, not on a machine. Her quilts have won contests, and are displayed in museums. The quilt below has been at the University of Utah Museum of Fine Arts, and the Gene Autry Museum of Western Art. 

Starry Path

This quilt is currently displayed at This Is The Place Monument, in their Deseret Village.

This quilt is displayed at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

Star Crossing

She designed this quilt, made by her quilting circle. It's hard to tell, because the picture quality isn't very good, but that is a cowboy on a horse, in the mountains.




She also made this one that looks like a mountain scene.

She created this whimsical quilt, called Once Upon A Time, a favorite of everyone in my family. This quilt has a lot of detail. Look it over and see if you can see everything in it.

The quilt is meant to look like a scroll. At the top of the scroll is a brown owl. There is Jack Be Nimble's candlestick, and corn stalks with a raven down the left side. Next to the corn stalks sits Humpty Dumpty on a precarious mountain cliff. Along the right side is the Frog Prince, a Cheshire cat, and the Gingerbread Man. Next to the Gingerbread Man is the Gingerbread House from Hansel and Gretel. Of course, in the middle is a castle nestled among the mountaintops and clouds. There is a whale in the ocean. Along the bottom is a dragon, who appears to be trying to escape the story. Next to him is the treasure he guards. Quite clever, don't you think?

Here are some more of her creations.

This is a quilt she made for me when I was a baby. The Pooh scenes are painted on with acrylic paint.

When my sisters and I were younger, we would go to Bee's house to paint. We would make wonderful creations entitled Life, the Universe, and Everything. She would take us to see the latest Disney movie. I distinctly remember seeing The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast with her.

I remember once growing up, Aunt Bee was babysitting us while my mom was in school. My sister, Skinny, had to be about five years old, and it was dinner time. She piped up that it was Aunt Bee's turn to bless the food. I think I might have held my breath.

I didn't know what would happen, because my Aunt Bee was not religious, and didn't attend church. She had never prayed before, to my knowledge. I started to tell Skinny that no, Aunt Bee doesn't pray, when Aunt Bee surprised us by saying that she WOULD say the blessing on the food.

Another time when she was babysitting us, I was playing outside with some friends. Aunt Bee called me inside for dinner. Some mean girls in the neighborhood saw her and began taunting me, and saying how fat she was. My aunt had some kind words for me, and acted as if their words didn't bother her at all. I was always amazed that she could let it roll off her back like that.

When I was a theatre major in college, I was in an original play, called Cafe' Odyssey, at the Lab Theatre (now called Studio 115). It was one of my first post-high school performances. I'll never forget how Aunt Bee came to see the show. I was really surprised she came, because she didn't really like to go out in public. It really meant a lot to me that she came to support me.

That's me 3rd from the left, as Erato, the Muse.

Last year, my aunt Bee was diagnosed with diabetes. Around that same time, she was on an antibiotic for a dental surgery, and consequently acquired C-Diff, which causes horrible diarrhea. She had it so long, the diarrhea caused her to lose 50 lbs. That coupled with her new diabetes diagnosis was enough to finally motivate her to change her eating habits and to start exercising for the first time in her life.

She started by walking back and forth from her apartment to the trash dumpster a few times. Soon, she could do that for 10 minutes. Before she knew it, she was up to 30 minutes. Then an hour. She was really starting to lose a lot of weight, and the rest of us were starting to notice too!

This picture was taken 6 months ago.
You can already notice weight loss in her face, and her clothes are hanging off her legs.

At some point last year she was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She didn't want anyone in the family to know, except my mom who picked her up from the hospital after surgery, and went several times a week to change her dressings and empty her drains. Eventually she became weaker and weaker.

One evening she became dizzy and disoriented as she was trying to get to the bathroom. Somehow, she fell and was too weak to get back up. She spent the night alone, on her bathroom floor, in her own urine, vomit, and feces, until she heard her neighbor leave for work and could yell for help. Isn't that awful? Doesn't that just break your heart? That's when we knew she probably couldn't live alone anymore.

She was admitted to the hospital, and then discharged to a skilled nursing facility. My mom got power of attorney, so that she could talk with the doctor about her care. When the doctor did more testing, he said she had 6 months to live at most. With chemo and radiation, they could prolong her life, but she wouldn't feel very well. Bee opted NOT to do treatment.

My mom and Aunt Zombie visited Bee daily. I tried to visit as often as I could. I figured when you're stuck in a medical bed all day, you want something to cheer you up and make you feel pretty so I brought some Sally Hansen nail polish stickers one day. We did her nails like this, and to my surprise, she LOVED them!



I thought they looked just like one of her quilts



I got her these lace arm warmers, and did her nails in hot pink zebra stripes

Another time when I went to visit her, she was tired after a long day. As we spoke, she seemed to miraculously transform before my eyes, into an innocent young girl. Her skin seemed smooth and supple, and she was sweet and youthful. I swear I saw six-year-old Aunt Bee in the bed, next to my chair.

She wasn't always this child-like person. She had moments of clarity. But as the illness took hold of her, her personality began to change. She suddenly requested the necklaces off the necks of my mom and Granny. For years, she had worn her long hair in a simple braid down her back. Now, she allowed my mom to cut her hair short. And she wanted to wear things in her hair. She wanted BLING!

She transformed from someone who didn't want anyone to know she was sick, to loving having visitors. She was able to see cousins she hadn't seen in 40+ years, and old quilting friends. She received letters from high school friends, and phone calls from old boyfriends. She revelled in the attention. She commented that she didn't realize how many people cared about her!

Meanwhile, this person who had pushed people away for years, and had even kept family at arms length, suddenly became a very sweet and loving person. She even allowed us to celebrate her birthday. It was our first birthday party for her, but it was her last. She was 64.



Here she is all decked out in a scarf, necklace, bracelets, and a flower for her hair.

My mom and Aunt Zombie were with her the hours before she passed. She kept asking my mom, "What are you doing here?" My mom would reply, "Bee, we always come to visit you every day." Over and over again, she asked, "What are you doing here?" Finally, after my mom told her again, she said, "No, not you...ALL of YOU. What are all these PEOPLE doing here?" My mom was alone in the room with her.

I hope her husband was there to greet her.

We love you and miss you Aunt Bee!

It has been a honor to get to know her again in her final moments. She left us a wonderful legacy.